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一叶知秋 · 一文喻世
塔 影 悠 悠
作者 黄思静
. 1 .
河水筛过沙滩，送来潺潺的声音。对河云峰塔，在碧云潭上投下修长的倩影，沦漪泛起，倒影悠悠。江边送来阵阵寒风，我低徊在蓼水河边。
“你不仅要学会记着，还要学会忘记。”
“云峰山上留下我们多少足迹，碧云潭里映下我们多少笑脸。同窗共读整四载，促膝并肩两无猜。这怎么能忘怀呢？”
“那么，就让我做你的亲姐姐吧。”这或许是人与人之间的那种羞涩的表情吧，我预感到了什么。
女孩走了，男孩也走了。河中的几只白鹭也轻轻地飞走了。
. 2 .
难道就这样轻松、平淡吗？没有小说里所写的分手的痛苦和落魄。二十年来，我却有着深深的思恋和缅怀。那时我在一所大学读书。一天我们到蓼湄春游，游过这座云峰塔。我们班上一对对的同学，都选择了一个角度，以塔作为背景，摄下了一张张美丽的合影。
“ 思思，我俩也来一张合影吧！”文静同学说了这句话，脸都红了。
“ 不，不。”我那时只有十八岁，我不懂得人与人之间的相处，是要有一种羞涩的表情的。
她望着我，望着我，眼里涌出了一层泪花。我也望着她的眼睛，忽地我发现了一个奇迹：我修长的身影倒映在她的瞳孔里，形成了一个颤动的人影，仿佛云峰塔修长的影子倒映在碧云潭上，颤颤悠悠。
那时年纪虽小，可是我也深知文静对我是很微妙的。
一次，我洗了被子，她主动来到寝室帮我缝被子。她一边缝一边唱。她唱的是《天仙配》里的“树上鸟儿成双对，绿水青山带笑颜。”她唱得颤颤的，甜甜的。虽然我不懂音乐，可是，她是用心灵唱的，当然我能感受到。可是，那时我很年轻，我有彩色的梦，她，我还没有很好地想过，虽然她身上有一种特殊的气质。
“ 我送你一张相片。”毕业时，我为了使自己的心平静一些。
她接了，贴在心窝上。头又低下来，好像忆起了什么。
“不过，我的不能送你。我倒可以送你一张蒙娜丽莎的像。”她的眼里又是水光朦胧。
她咋这多伤感，这多怅然，我却很平常、轻松。
. 3 .
毕业后，我被分配到蓼湄的一个化工厂，云峰塔的附近。我当上了工程师，也找到了一位有才华的爱人，蓼湄中学的一位英语教师，不是同学。
后来，我和妻子感情不好，我时时被房里蒙娜丽莎的微笑触痛。我极想在这微笑里寻找一种什么东西。久看一会儿，这微笑，又像是文静同学的微笑。记得那次音乐课考试，老师安排文静同学弹钢琴伴奏，让同学一个一个地唱。文静同学的钢琴演奏达到了超凡脱俗的境界。我唱时，不知为什么，我未唱完就停了下来。同学们哈哈大笑起来。文静同学说了句“你啦！”，脸上露出一种神秘而温馨的笑。
妻子也喜欢弹钢琴，也喜欢弹《梁祝》。《梁祝》有一种惊撼人心的旋律和一种阔大的悲怆。“十八相送情切切，谁知一别在楼台”。我也听得一往情深，我也听得泪流面颊。听着听着，我进入了一种幻觉，琴台上的妻子变成了文静同学。随着琴声，我仿佛看到了几只白鹭在碧云潭边梳理羽毛，又轻轻地，轻轻地飞起，又轻轻地，轻轻地落在云峰塔苍翠的麻椒树上……
. 4 .
我望着墙上这幅画，心里有一种说不出的味道。我开始研究这幅画，可是除了发现这微笑里有一种邪恶的威胁和温情的允诺之外，我再也找不到什么。
妻子同我的关系越来越冷淡了。这时，我不得不放下理科书，读一点文学书，读一点美学书。我接触了佛洛伊德的著作，接触了心理分析法。原来这微笑是达·芬奇母亲的微笑。达·芬奇是一个私生子。他母亲对他的爱是特殊的。这种爱是为了弥补她没有丈夫的苦，同时又是为了补偿她的孩子得不到父亲的爱抚。他的母亲在像一切得不到满足的母亲那样，把小儿子当成丈夫去爱，这是一种既有父亲又有母亲的两性同体的爱，因而是一种两种对立的东西掺杂在一起的爱。啊！我是多么的浅薄。
云峰山上的茶花开了，香气四溢；碧云潭里的河水绿了，涟漪荡漾。我时时朝云峰塔走去。我们没有摄下合影，我们没有摄下集姐爱、弟爱于一体的微笑。
· 5 ·
早晨的朦胧里，傍晚的霞光里，我徘徊在云峰山上，踯躅在碧云潭边。我想起蒙娜丽莎的微笑，静望着碧云潭里颤颤的塔，轻轻的影。
“ 你生活得还好吧！”一次偶然的机会，我在塔下又遇到了文静同学。她问我。
“ …… ”我的泪水流了出来。
她递给我一块手帕，我接了，“静姐！我对不起你，我也对不起我自己…… ”。
“ 你不要这样说。这不仅是我俩的悲剧，这是整个大学生的悲剧。现在真正有爱情的家庭又有多少？”
“ 你不要为我开脱，我们已不再年轻了。”不知怎的，我说出这样的话。
“ 你不要过多的痛苦，人没有灵魂，何必要这躯壳；如果有灵魂，又何必要这躯壳。”
碧云潭里，有颤颤的塔，悠悠的影。
—END—
塔 影 悠 悠
（汉英对照版）
作者 黄思静
英译 黄思静
Authored by Huang Sijing
Translated by Huang Sijing
Tower shadow quivers
· 1 ·
One
河水筛过沙滩，送来潺潺的声音。对河云峰塔，在碧云潭上投下修长的倩影，沦漪泛起，倒影悠悠。江边送来阵阵寒风，我低徊在蓼水河边。
The river water sifted through the sandy beach , sending the sound of gurgling . On opposite bank , Yunfeng tower casted a slender shadow on Biyun lake , waves rippling and shadow fluttering . I was wandering by the Liaoshui river , blowing gusts of cold wind from the shore
“ 你不仅要学会记着，还要学会忘记。”
“ You should not only learn to remember , but also learn to forget . ”
“ 云峰山上留下我们多少足迹，碧云潭里映下我们多少笑脸。同窗共读整四载，促膝并肩两无猜。这怎么能忘怀呢？”
“ How many footprints had we left on Yunfeng mountain , and how smiling faces were reflected in the Biyun lake . We had been studying together under a window for four years and sat side by side no guessing . How can this be forgotten ? ”
“ 那么，就让我做你的亲姐姐吧。”这或许是人与人之间的那种羞涩的表情吧，我预感到了什么。
“ Let me be your sister . ” This might be the shy expression between people . I had a hunch of something .
女孩走了，男孩也走了。河中的几只白鹭也轻轻地飞走了。
The girl was gone , and the boy left too . Several egrets in the river also flew away gently .
· 2 ·
Two
难道就这样轻松、平淡吗？没有小说里所写的分手的痛苦和落魄。二十年来，我却有着深深的思恋和缅怀。那时我在一所大学读书。一天我们到蓼湄春游，游过这座云峰塔。我们班上一对对的同学，都选择了一个角度，以塔作为背景，摄下了一张张美丽的合影。
Was it so light and plain ? There was no pain and frustration of breaking up written in the novel . For twenty years , but I had deep thoughts and memories . I was studying in a university at that time . One day we went on a spring outing to Liaomei , and visited the Yunfeng tower . Selecting an angle , with the tower as background , student couples in our class took one beautiful after another
“ 思思，我俩也来一张合影吧！”文静同学说了这句话，脸都红了。
“ Sisi , let's take a group photo , too . ” Wenjing blushed when she said this .
“不，不。”我那时只有十八岁，我不懂得人与人之间的相处，是要有一种羞涩的表情的。
“ No , no . ” I was only eighteen , and I didn't understand that people needed a shy expression to get along with each other
她望着我，望着我，眼里涌出了一层泪花。我也望着她的眼睛，忽地我发现了一个奇迹：我修长的身影倒映在她的瞳孔里，形成了一个颤动的人影，仿佛云峰塔修长的影子倒映在碧云潭上，颤颤悠悠。
She looked at me , tears welled up in her eyes . While I looked into her eyes ，suddenly I found a miracle : My slender figure was reflected in her pupils to form a trembing figure , like the shadow of Yunfeng tower was reflected on Biyun lake , trembling .
那时年纪虽小，可是我也深知文静对我是很微妙的。
Although I was young at that time , I knew Wenjing was very subtle to me .
一次，我洗了被子，她主动来到寝室帮我缝被子。她一边缝一边唱。她唱的是《天仙配》里的“ 树上鸟儿成双对，绿水青山带笑颜。”她唱得颤颤的，甜甜的。虽然我不懂音乐，可是，她是用心灵唱的，当然我能感受到。可是，那时我很年轻，我有彩色的梦，她，我还没有很好地想过，虽然她身上有一种特殊的气质。
Once , when I had washed the quilt , she came to bedroom on her own initiative to sew a quilt . She sang as she sewed .She sang : “ With pairs of birds singing on the tree so green river and mounts look great . ” of Tianxianpei . She sang with a quiver of sweetness . She sang with her heart , Of course I could feel it , although I didn't understand the music . But I was very young at that time , and I had colorful dreams and I hadn't thought about her very well , although she had a special temperament .
“ 我送你一张相片。”毕业时，我为了使自己的心平静一些。
“ I'll send you a picture . ” When I graduated , I wanted to calm my heart .
她接了，贴在心窝上。头又低下来，好像忆起了什么。
She took it and stuck it on her heart . Her head dropped as if she remembered something .
“ 不过，我的不能送你。我倒可以送你一张蒙娜丽莎的像。”她的眼里又是水光朦胧。
“But I can't send you my potos . I can give you a Mona Lisa . ”
Her eyes were full of tears again .
她咋这多伤感，这多怅然，我却很平常、轻松。
Why was she so sad and so disappointed , but I was plain and relaxed .
· 3 ·
Three
毕业后，我被分配到蓼湄的一个化工厂，云峰塔的附近。我当上了工程师，也找到了一位有才华的爱人，蓼湄中学的一位英语教师，不是同学。
After graduation , I was assigned to a chemical plant which near Yunfeng tower in Liaomei . I became an engineer and I also found a talented lover who was an English teacher of Liaomei middle school and not my schoolmate .
后来，我和妻子感情不好，我时时被房里蒙娜丽莎的微笑触痛。我极想在这微笑里寻找一种什么东西。久看一会儿，这微笑，又像是文静同学的微笑。记得那次音乐课考试，老师安排文静同学弹钢琴伴奏，让同学一个一个地唱。文静同学的钢琴演奏达到了超凡脱俗的境界。我唱时，不知为什么，我未唱完就停了下来。同学们哈哈大笑起来。文静同学说了句“你啦！”，脸上露出一种神秘而温馨的笑。
Later , my wife and I had a bad relationship , and I was often hurt by the smile of the Mona Lisa in the room . I wanted to find something in this smile . Looking for a while ， this smile was like the smile of Wenjing classmate . I remembered that the teacher arranged Wenjing to play the piano to accompany in a music exam , and the teacher asked the student to sing one by one . Wenjing piano performance had reached an extraordinary level . When I was singing , I didn't know why I stopped before I finished singing The students laughed . Wenjing said : “ You la ！” , and there was a mysterious and warm smile on her face
妻子也喜欢弹钢琴，也喜欢弹《梁祝》。《梁祝》有一种惊撼人心的旋律和一种阔大的悲怆。“十八相送情切切，谁知一别在楼台”。我也听得一往情深，我也听得泪流面颊。听着听着，我进入了一种幻觉，琴台上的妻子变成了文静同学。随着琴声，我仿佛看到了几只白鹭在碧云潭边梳理羽毛，又轻轻地，轻轻地飞起，又轻轻地，轻轻地落在云峰塔苍翠的麻椒树上……
My wife also liked playing the piano , and she also liked to play butterfly lovers . Liang Zhu had a shocking melody and a broad pathetique . “Eighteen send each other off , who knows one is not on the balcony . ” I heard it very affectionately , and I also heard tears streaming down my cheeks . Listening , I was in an illusion , and I found that my wife on stage became Wenjing classmate . with the sound of the piano , I seemed to see several egrets combing their feathers by the Biyun lake and flying up gently and gently falling on the green pepper tree of Yunfeng tower.
· 4 ·
Four
我望着墙上这幅画，心里有一种说不出的味道。我开始研究这幅画，可是除了发现这微笑里有一种邪恶的威胁和温情的允诺之外，我再也找不到什么。
Looking up at the picture on the wall , there was an unspeakable taste in my heart . I began to study the painting . I can't find anything anymore , except an evil threat and a kind of warm permission .
妻子同我的关系越来越冷淡了。这时，我不得不放下理科书，读一点文学书，读一点美学书。我接触了佛洛伊德的著作，接触了心理分析法。原来这微笑是达·芬奇母亲的微笑。达·芬奇是一个私生子。他母亲对他的爱是特殊的。这种爱是为了弥补她没有丈夫的苦，同时又是为了补偿她的孩子得不到父亲的爱抚。他的母亲在像一切得不到满足的母亲那样，把小儿子当成丈夫去爱，这是一种既有父亲又有母亲的两性同体的爱，因而是一种两种对立的东西掺杂在一起的爱。啊！我是多么的浅薄。
The relationship between my wife and me was getting colder and colder . At this time , I had to put down my science book to read a little literature and a little aesthetics . I came into contact with works of Freud to learn psychoanalysis . It turns out that this smile is Leonard da Vinci's mother's smile . Da Vinci was a bastard . His mother's love for him was special . This love was to make up for her lack of a husband . At the same time , this kind of love was to compensate for child's lack of father' caress . His mother was like an unsatisfied mother to love children as husbands . This was a kind of androgynous love with both father and mother , therefore , it was a kind of love mixed with two opposite things . Ah ！ How shallow I was .
云峰山上的茶花开了，香气四溢；碧云潭里的河水绿了，涟漪荡漾。我时时朝云峰塔走去。我们没有摄下合影，我们没有摄下集姐爱、弟爱于一体的微笑。
Camellia blossomed on Yunfeng mountain , fragrance overflowing . The water in Biyun lake was green , rippling . I always walked towards Yunfeng tower . We didn't take a group photo . We didn't capture the smile of sister love and brother love .
· 5 ·
Five
早晨的朦胧里，傍晚的霞光里，我徘徊在云峰山上，踯躅在碧云潭边。我想起蒙娜丽莎的微笑，静望着碧云潭里颤颤的塔，轻轻的影。
In the haze of the morning and the glow of the evening , I wandered on Yunfeng mountain , and I wandered by the Biyun lake . I thought of Mana Lisa's smile , quietly looking at the gentle shadow of the trembling tower in the Biyun lake .
“ 你生活得还好吧！”一次偶然的机会，我在塔下又遇到了文静同学。她问我。
“ How's your life ! ” By chance , I met Wenjing classmate again under the tower . she asked me .
“ …… ”我的泪水流了出来。
“ …… ” My tears came out
她递给我一块手帕，我接了，“ 静姐！我对不起你，我也对不起我自己…… ”。
She handed me a handkerchief , and I got it , “ Sister Jing ! I'm sorry for you and myself …… ”
“ 你不要这样说。这不仅是我俩的悲剧，这是整个大学生的悲剧。现在真正有爱情的家庭又有多少？”
“ Don't say that . This is not only our tragedy , this is the tragedy of whole college students . How many families are there really in love now ? ”
“ 你不要为我开脱，我们已不再年轻了。”不知怎的，我说出这样的话。
“ Don't excuse me , and we are no longer young . ” Somehow I said such a thing
“ 你不要过多的痛苦，人没有灵魂，何必要这躯壳；如果有灵魂，又何必要这躯壳。”
“ Don't suffer too much . People have no soul , why need this body ; if you have a soul , why do you need this body . ”
碧云潭里，有颤颤的塔，悠悠的影。
In the Biyun lake , there was trembling towers and long shadows .
—END—
作者简介：黄思静，男，湖南省洞口县高沙镇人。已发表作品：散文《虎门看海》，现代诗《那绿色的常春藤》，词《满江红 . 瞻魏源故居》，小说《塔影悠悠》。
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